A tribute

A few days ago, after running 15.5 miles (my longest run since my 2010 marathon), I began writing a post that was intended as a tribute to my husband.  Without Zdenek, I would never be able to run (or cycle) as frequently and far as I do, and I just wanted to give him a public shout-out to let him know that his support does not go unnoticed.  I never finished the post, unfortunately, but today I found a different way of expressing my gratitude.  The picture below represents a word cloud of my blog, life to-date.  This may be a space ostensibly devoted to chronicling my running and cycling adventures, but I think it's pretty obvious where my true passion lies.

A simple truth

Post-Ryder, I've managed to stay pretty consistent about logging at least 25 miles per week, though I usually try to hit 30 if at all possible.  Last week, I actually made it to over 40 and, feeling pretty optimistic about my chances for organizing an even tighter schedule (that would likely entail 5 am runs, but what else can I do?), I thought seriously about attempting marathon training.

And then this week happened.  I'm not sure what kind of stomach illness sidelined our household (though I suspect it's rotavirus), but I've logged four miles so far and will probably plateau there.  While I'm no longer so sick that I'm begging Zdenek to shoot me (no lie), and while the word "hot dog" overheard on television is no longer likely to send me into a hurling episode, I still have no appetite, little energy, and a cranky baby.

With our nanny also out sick, I'm trying to focus on the positives: it's a beautiful autumn so far; Central Park has never been more breathtaking; and at least my kid smiles when I'm pushing him on the swings.  But I would be lying if I didn't admit to being green with envy watching the cyclists spin by, enjoying the perfect weather.  And this past Sunday I practically teared up watching the start of the NYC marathon on tv.  

I'm not sure what the silver lining is in all of this; frankly, I don't think there is one (I've tried to convince myself that it's been healthy to take a "break" from training, etc., but that psychology has worn thin).  The truth is that I do miss much of what I used to be able to do (as I am sure Zdenek does, too). Though I'm sure that, someday, I'll be able to find time and energy again for those pursuits, in the meantime, I just can't have it all.  Sometimes that's all there is to it.